N.C. Lock Service LLC Surviving an Attack
Fear, guilt and embarrassment may make it difficult to report the crime and tell those closest to you. After a severe emotional trauma, one needs the understanding and support of family and friends to help get through this difficult time. It is important to realize however, that loved ones do not always know what to say or do to help. Well meaning advice or criticism about what happened is obviously painful. Keep in mind that their reactions can be the result of their own reluctance to accept the reality of everyone's vulnerability to crime. They can only do their best. It sometimes helps if you can let them know what you need.A traumatic event like this leaves emotions raw and leaves people feeling vulnerable. It is normal to experience dramatic mood swings, to cry easily, to be irritable, or become upset over small things. You may have a startled response if you see someone who looks similar to your assailant or when you see something that reminds you of the crime. It is helpful to get counseling in order to deal with these feelings and to learn about the normal steps victims tend to go through after an assault.
Victims tend to go through several stages when coping with a sexual assault. General denial comes first, followed by a realization phase and then anger.
The Denial Stage
Initially, there may be denial with the victim shutting others out and avoiding the subject. This is often an attempt to believe that the assault did not happen. Disbelief can be protection from the overwhelming feelings associated with the trauma.
The Realization Stage
Denial is often followed by a realization phase where feelings begin to come out. Victims often lack trust in others. Fear of future assaults may cause you to isolate yourself. The most destructive feeling at this stage is a tendency to blame yourself for the assault. Don't blame yourself.
The Anger Stage
Victims usually move next to a stage of anger. This is healthy when your feelings are directed toward your assailant. Sometimes your anger may be misdirected towards those around you. Let them know that you are not angry with them, but rather with what happened to you. The anger can cleanse because it indicates you are beginning to integrate the event into your life and move on without guilt.
Looking Ahead
Finally, you can begin to look ahead. You accept that it was terrible, but you realize it is over.
Suggestions
- Report the crime and cooperate with the police. Taking positive action against the assailant will help resolve your trauma. You will also be helping your community.
- It is your personal decision who else should be told about what happened. You have a right to privacy and only those you wish to tell need know about the incident.
- Express your feelings and needs to those who care. Be clear about what you want them to do or not do.
- It is very normal for feelings of fear to linger and these are often difficult to overcome. Do whatever you need to do to be safe. Talk to a counselor about ways to feel safe.
- Return to your normal routine as soon as possible. Everyday routine will help you regain a feeling of control in your life.
Reaction of Others
Your family and friends will also have mixed feelings and confusion over the crime. They may be uncomfortable around you because they may be afraid of making things worse. Common feelings are anger at the assailant, and frustration at not being able to direct that anger at the assailant. Marital relationships can become strained. The victim often feels uncomfortable resuming sexual relations following an assault. Most spouses or partners of the victim can accept these feelings intellectually, but still feel rejected or blamed in some way. Encourage your spouse or partner and other family members to seek help if they are having a hard time adjusting.
The Police Investigation
If an arrest was not made immediately, a detective will be assigned to investigate the case. You will probably be questioned several times in an effort to get as much information as possible about your assailant and the crime. Report any new information on the case to the detective assigned. You may be asked to help with an artist's drawing, take a polygraph or view a lineup. These are investigative tools. Without positive identification of the suspect, prosecution is not possible.
Going To Court
If the suspect is arrested, the suspect may be released from jail on bond or on their own promise to return for court. The judge will order him not to see you or talk to you. You should report any contact by the suspect or by anyone claiming to be the suspect's attorney to the police and county attorney immediately. Your interests will be represented by the County Attorney's Office shortly after an arrest is made and charges are filed.
You may be subpoenaed to testify at a preliminary hearing about what happened. During this hearing the judge listens to the facts to decide if there is "Probable Cause" for the case to go forward to Superior Court. This hearing is not to determine guilt or innocence, and there is no jury. The court process can take many months. This is normal so try not to be frustrated by the delays. Your Victim Assistance case worker is available to give you the information and emotional support necessary to achieve a successful prosecution. Your input and participation will be important at various times to insure a just outcome.
Helpful Information
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